I Got a Rock

And the horse you rode into town on

You know, some days I'm just feeling down, a little mopey, a little like a guy who's fallen off the wagon and imbibed in way too much sugar. And yes, there is a sugar wagon.

I was feeling blue until I read about Arnold, King of Caleefornia, and his creative use of the veto pen. Now this just cheered me right up.

Apparently, when Governor Schwarzenegger vetoes a bill, he sends it back to the legislature with a message attached as to why he vetoed it. In this case, a bill to expand the financing power of the Port of San Francisco was sponsored by an assemblyman who had heckled the governor at a Democratic fundraiser that Schwarzenegger had been invited to. Perhaps as retaliation, the governator vetoed the bill.

In his message Schwarzenegger wrote something along the lines of what is called an acrostic. An acrostic is a poem in which the first letter of each line, when read in a downward sequence, forms a word. In the governor's case, it was two words, one of which is a "common vulgarity" and the other is "you." This is actually pretty clever for a guy who does not speak English as a first language.

At first, this vulgar barb at a political foe might sound juvenile and petty, and beneath the status of the governor of the most populous state in the nation and the one of the most important economic regions in the world.

But you know what, that's politics. The assemblyman used a bipartisan gesture on Schwarzenegger's part to crap all over him by shouting "you lie" at him (not very original). If you want something from somebody, it's wise to treat them nicely, rather than yelling and acting like a jerk. Unfortunately for the assemblyman and his bill, Gov. Schwarzenegger had the last word. Or two words, really.

The Dave Brubeck Quartet "Blue Rondo a la Turk"

Suicide weather. That's what we've got here in Chicago. Gray skies and rain, constant rain. I don't know how people can live someplace where it rains a lot, like Seattle.

What was my point now, where was I going with this? Oh yeah. On a quiet morning full of drizzle nothing suited my mood like a little jazz. The Dave Brubeck Quartet fit the bill for that. I listened to them while I ironed the laundry. That being done, I sought out Dave Brubeck on YouTube. And found this: a clip of the quartet from "The Lively Ones," which was apparently a musical variety show in the early '60s. In this video we can see the band perform "Blue Rondo a la Turk" while riding a flying carpet over the highways and byways of Los Angeles. This does beg the question: Why?!? I do not know. But I do know it combines good jazz with a healthy dose of silliness, which cheered me up a bit. Let it rain.

A New Yule Classic? Bob Dylan's "Christmas in the Heart"

The first thing you need to do is wrap your brain around the fact that Bob Dylan has recorded a Christmas album. The obvious question: Is this some kind of joke that Dylan is playing on his fans? One certainly wouldn’t expect an album chock full of Christmas standards from Dylan. But then again, Dylan has made a long and successful career out of delivering on occasion something that’s not quite expected from him. Also, the matter of the profits from this cd being donated to an organization that feeds the needy leads one finally to believe “Christmas in the Heart” is indeed not a joke.

The second thing you need to wrap your brain around is Dylan’s voice. Whether a fan or not (and if you’re not, you’re probably not going to buy this cd), you understand by now that Dylan’s voice is ravaged. It could be due to age or booze or drugs or cigarettes or all of the above, but over the last 15 or 20 years, Mr. Tambourine Man’s vocals have taken on the quality of glass being fed through a wood chipper. Even for those who love him, the voice can be a little hard to take. Genius or no genius, sometimes it’s just hard to listen to a guy who sounds like he has laryngitis and a severe chest cold.

Having said all that, when you listen to this cd, you realize that Dylan sounds sincere. He’s not trying to pull something over on anyone. This isn’t a slap dash effort. The songs, from “Here Comes Santa Claus” to “O Little Town of Bethlehem” are classics of the season, sung by Dylan with an earnest gusto and performed more than ably by musicians from his current backing band as well as David Hidalgo from Los Lobos. There are even back-up singers, billed as “Mixed Voice Singers,” which gives some respite from the sound of Dylan’s own voice, lest it get to be a bit too much. It is kind of fun, though, to hear him (try to) hit the high notes on a song like “Hark the Herald Angels Sing.”

Dylan sounds downright whimsical on “Winter Wonderland” and “Christmas Island,” which gets a country swing arrangement, and he doesn’t try to overdo it on the ballads like “I’ll Be Home for Christmas;” he just gives those tunes a straight and simple performance. And, really, you gotta give props to anyone who attempts singing “O Come All Ye Faithful (Adeste Fideles)” in Latin as well as English.

The great highlight of the cd, one that’s worth the purchase price alone, is “Must Be Santa.” It is a way upbeat tune that has Dylan singing along with the Mixed Voice Singers and accompanied by Hidalgo on accordion. This is a Christmas song you can get up and polka to.

“Christmas in the Heart” is a noble and worthwhile effort from Bob Dylan. You might not want to play it around anyone who really doesn’t care for Dylan too much; my wife requested that it not be played when she’s at home. And this cd will clear a room full of Bing Crosby fans faster than you can say “Florida orange juice.” Really, anyone who prefers more traditional vocal stylings for their Christmas music won’t like this cd. And let’s be honest here; I’m a Dylan fan, I think he’s a true American genius, but hearing him do “The Christmas Song” didn’t make me run and delete Nat “King” Cole from my iTunes library. Still, I get a strange enjoyment out of “Christmas in the Hear” and, who knows, it may live on to be regarded as a Yuletide classic.

Balloon Boy Hoax

What do you call parents who have their children lie in order for the parents to garner publicity? You can call them bad parents for starters, but there is more to this story, this Balloon Boy story, than for the parents to be simply referred to as "bad." What about whores? They want to make money by selling themselves in a way that degrades them as humans. That makes them whores. The state of Colorado may soon call them convicts, if indeed are charges are brought against them and they are convicted. People throughout the country were praying for the safety of Balloon Boy. In general people are believers and are willing to take people at face value. In this case the believers had their emotions manipulated by sick people with twisted souls. So I think that settles it: we can call Balloon Boy's parents sick, twisted manipulating whores-soon-to-be-convicts. Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue but it will have to do.

"But what about the children?" all the ladies cried. You have to feel bad for the children. They are being raised, for the time being at least, by knuckleheads. What kind of chance do they have to not be knuckleheads themselves. We can only hope that they turn out smarter than their parents and as well adjusted as they can be.

Michael Buble "Haven't Met You Yet"

The sugar high has become a sugar low, so I needed a little something to cheer me up. This video does the trick. Who amongst us can stay depressed when he hears a perfect pop concoction like this?

I have questions, though.

Do you think Michael Buble does his own grocery shopping?

How come spontaneous yet choreographed dancing never breaks out when I'm at the grocery store?

It's Johnny's Birthday, It's Johnny's Birthday!

Whatta Ya Gotta Do to Get a Nobel Peace Prize Around Here? Nothing, Apparently

Hey! Guess who won the Nobel Peace Prize? Yes, our president, who took office only two weeks before the nominating deadline. Very interesting. Let's be honest: Barack Obama won the Prize for not being George W. Bush. With less than half a month of presidential and peace-making experience, Obama got a prize for what it is hoped that he would do, rather than what he has actually done. Kind of the way he won the presidential election, on the basis of ethereal hope rather than cold, hard fact.

Mickey Kaus, writing in Slate magazine, thinks it would be a good idea for President Obama to decline the honor, for a number of very sound reasons.

Oh, Quicksdraw!

This tickles my funny bone. I don't know why, maybe there's something wrong with me, but Quickdraw McGraw done as a German expressionist film with Peter Lorre is right up my alley. But seriously, who wouldn't want Peter Lorre to do a voice over on their cartoon? It's too bad he's not around to do a guest shot on "The Simpsons."

Anyhoo, found this animation on Merrill Markoe's blog. She dated David Letterman back in the 1980s and makes her "big comment" on Dave's current "situation."

By the by, I don't want to ever again hear Dave talk about having sex. It's just icky. George Clooney wants to talk about getting physical with the women in his life, fine. Salma Hayek wants to talk sex, giddy-up. David Letterman? Please! No more. It's like having an amusing but creepy relative tell tales about what he does behind closed doors. I just don't want to hear it.

That Toddlin' Town

Found this video on another blog, one by the name of B News, and it is a travelogue from 1948 about the city of my birth, Chicago. It's interesting to note how much has changed, how many more skyscrapers there are now downtown and along the lakeshore, and how many things have passed, like the Stockyards.

The Compound: A Dream, with Illustrations

I have always wanted a compound. Like the "Kennedy compound." If the Kennedy's can have a compound, why can't I have one too?

It would be nice to have a house somewhere in the woods, but it would have to be near a body of water. I like the woods. I like water. Especially when the water comes in bodies.

But I like the beach as well. A compound on the beach would be nice. With a view of the water. A body of water. A large body of water.

My compound would need a name. I can't call it the Kennedy Compound. That's already taken. And my name is not Kennedy. So it wouldn't make any sense to call it the Kennedy Compound. Maybe I'll just call it Area 13. Area 51 has been done. That's so 20th century. Area 13 sounds cool. People think 13 is an unlucky number. But you're not unlucky if you have your own compound. Although, I guess, the Kennedy's can be unlucky at times.

A compound needs buildings. We need buildings to live in, and sleep in, drink and eat and do nothing in.

But I'm not handy. I don't know how to build a building.

Maybe I could find something already built.

This looks nice. It's already built. It's got a modern look. Modern, if it were 1960. It's retro chic, let's say. And it's got a tower.

The tower has stairs for me to climb. And it's got an antenna. It will get signals from, well, you know from where. From there. They are out there. And they are communicating with me.

I will grant you, the place is a bit of a fixer-upper. I said I'm not handy. But I could learn.

When I live on the compound with my fellow compounders, with my Family (come to me my babies), I will need to let the paparazzi know they are not welcome. No paparazzi, nor Feds (G-Men if you will), nor gawkers or stalkers. But I will welcome the Census takers. I want to be counted. Everyone else will be have to stay away.

A compound, to truly be a compound, must have more than one building.

As I walk the grounds of my compound (I will often use the word "compound" because I like it so much) I will need on occasion to take shelter. From the sun. Or the rain. Or maybe I will just need a place to have a picnic. A picnic shelter on the beach.

I would like my compound to have a lot of bathrooms. Any compound worth it's salt should have a lot of bathrooms. They will be dispersed to various points on the compound grounds.

In the evenings, when the day is done, we will dine on sushi while sitting on the Upside Down Aquatic Gallows Poles. Then we will swim, but only after we wait an hour.

This Dream Ends Here.

Caring Republicans? They're a Long Time Passing

Soooo...just what is the Republican plan for health care reform?

There isn't one. Nor will there be one. The Republicans prefer simply to be negative rather than to engage the Democrats in a positive way.

Once upon a time, Republicans actually cared about America and Americans. Barry Goldwater cared about the environment. Dwight Eisenhower cared enough about America that he warned us all about the danger of a overly powerful military-industrial complex. Theodore Roosevelt feared the effect monopolies had on everyday, working Americans. Even Richard Nixon cared enough about the future of our country to create the Environmental Protection Agency.

Where are these Republicans now? They aren't to be found. The caring GOP of yesteryear has been replaced by a corporatist party concerned with nothing more than power. (The Democrats aren't much better, but that's a discussion for another day.)

So what do we do now? Maybe Public Enemy was right. We've got to Fight the Power. We can all start by writing our Congressional representative and our Senators and demanding a government option. With e-mail and faxes, the ability to quickly communicate with our elected officials has never been easier. So get busy. Our lives may actually depend on it.

Michael Buble "I've Got the World on a String"

He's Sinatra without the menace. Sinatra if Sinatra had a French Canadian accent. Sinatra if Sinatra had the ability to be a goofy ham bone. He's not Sinatra, he's his own man. He's Michael Buble.

Things I Need to Get Off My Chest: What Sucks and What Does Not

-Why Republicans suck: The minority party (the one without any actual minorities in it) is criticizing President Obama for going to Copenhagen to promote Chicago's bid for the 2016 Olympics. The House Minority Leader says there's too many important things here at home to work on, like health care. Last time I checked, the Republicans haven't done a damn thing about health care other than lying to the American public about how health care reform is actually the beginning of the Fascist dictatorship Obama wants to be the head of.

-Why President Obama sucks: I don't know why the Republicans are complaining about Obama leaving the country for a day. Obama has been in-country all summer and he doesn't seem to have lifted a finger to get the health care deal done, other than to give a nice little speech, which fell on deaf Republican ears. If he had actually turned the screws, the bill would be a done deal by now.

-Why Democrats suck: You guys are in the majority now. You control the White House and both houses of Congress. Time to stand up and do what's right and shove through a health care bill with a public option. (Single payer would be better, but I hesitate to ask for too much from you.) You don't need Republican support and no matter how many concessions you make you will never get it. So do what's right.

-Why this situation sucks for Democrats and for all of us really: If a decent health care bill is not passed Barack Obama will be a one term president and we'll be stuck with some knucklehead like Mitt Romney in the White House. Progressives, liberal Democrats and independent voters put Obama in the presidency and without genuine health care reform most of those voters are lost. Keith Olbermann, of MSNBCBSABCDEFG, has already floated the idea that without the reforms Obama promised a progressive may rise up to run against the president in the 2012 Democratic primaries.

-Why Chicago doesn't suck: It's a great city. Like any metropolis, it has it's problems, but it is overall a pretty darn good town. It deserves the Olympics. We will do it right and the city, and all of America, will look good.