McCain May Have Just Won the Election

John McCain chose Sarah Palin (no relation to Michael Palin of Monty Pyton fame, at least not that I know of) to be his running mate. Really, a very intelligent choice. With one fell swoop (what exactly is a fell swoop anyway?) McCain won over conservative Christians who weren't all that keen on him before, and will likely attract even more disgruntled Hillary Clinton supporters than he would have had had he not chosen a woman. And Palin is a lot easier to look at than Cheney has been or Biden would be. (Sorry, I'll put my sexism in the closet until after the election.)

Rudy

Why is Rudy Giuliani never mentioned as a vice-presidential candidate for John McCain? Is Rudy that far off the radar these days? Or would a McCain-Giulliani ticket be too intense for everyone to bear?

Sundries

The voices in my head are in abundance. Due to laziness and my medical affliction CRS, I have simply not written about a variety of issues on my mind. Thus, some of these topics are perhaps a bit dated, but the voices must be heard nonetheless.

BUSH SPEAKS, CARLIN SPINS IN GRAVE

George Carlin hated euphemisms, those indirect words or phrases that are substituted for various reasons for phrases that are more to the point. In his book When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, Carlin wrote, "Not all euphemisms are alike, but they have one thing in common: They obscure meaning rather than enhance it; they shade the truth."

It's generally acknowledged that politicians, and governments in general, are masters of the euphemism. A phrase used by the Bush administration recently proves this point. President Bush has stated unequivocally for some time now that there will be no "timetable" for the withdrawal of US troops from Iraq, stating time and again that conditions on the ground will determine when troops depart. John McCain agrees with this and reamed his primary opponent Mitt Romney a new one for supposedly suggesting a timetable for Iraq might be a good idea.

Time passes, conditions on the ground are improving, and quite frankly, the Iraqi government would like to know when the hell we plan on leaving. US people did lunch with Iraqi people and lo and behold, a "time horizon" was agreed upon for the removal of US troops. Excuse me? What the hell is a "time horizon" other than another way of saying the word "timetable"? Ah, but King George will not allow use of the word "timetable" so a new way of stating "we're leaving on such and such a date" had to be thought of. So "time horizon" was settled upon. Much mushier sounding than "timetable", a time horizon could turn out to be a pretty vague thing. Hard to see an horizon sometimes, what with all that smoke from roadside bombs and gunfire.

RE-EDUCATION: LIKE SUMMER CAMP, BUT WITH FORCED LABOR

Speaking of euphemisms: In China, two women in their late 70s, both of whom use a cane and one of whom is blind in one eye, were sentenced to "re-education through labor," a euphemism for a prison camp where you make small rocks out of big ones for 10 hours a day. The crime these old ladies committed was that they applied to stage a legal protest, their complaint being that they weren't fairly compensated when the Chinese government seized their homes for redevelopment. Yes, that's right, they applied to stage a legal protest.

In China, if you want to protest, the government requires you to fill out a form. All well and good I suppose, except for the fact that when you go to fill out the government required form, the government sentences you to forced labor in order to "re-educate" you, the education being the concept that if you want to protest anything the Chinese government does, don't, because if you do, you will be punished, possibly severely. Some protest applicants simply aren't seen again, much like Luca Brasi in "The Godfather," except that protesters families won't even get a bulletproof vest with a dead fish in it wrapped in a newspaper. What their families will get is most likely nothing, only silence.

The Free Dictionary by Farlex defines "evil" as, among other things, "morally bad or wrong; wicked," and also "causing ruin, injury, or pain; harmful." I think the Chinese government could very well be classified as evil. They seem to be a government intent on crushing not just dissent, but the very idea that the Chinese people should even think anti-government thoughts, much less act on those thoughts. They wish to crush the independent nature of the human spirit. That's evil. If you want more evidence of Chinese evil, presented for your approval is the sight of people's homes being stripped from them in the name of progress. More? How about calling an independent country (Tibet) part of China when it's not. You want historical evil: How about the 20th-century history of Chinese oppression and the millions who died under Mao and his bright ideas.

Let's just understand the Chinese government for what it is, evil. Based on this understanding, maybe the US could form a foreign policy that will take into account the human rights of Chinese citizens. At the same time maybe we can figure how to stop the Chinese government from running wild like Hell's Angels at a beer party in San Ber'doo just because the Western World wants to make make a ton of money in the Chinese marketplace. Over a billion Chinese: that's a lot Cokes and Marlboros, but is it worth selling the soul of a democratic America for?

WORD!: A RETARDED VIEW OF THE WORLD

An alleged comedy, "Tropic Thunder," premiered last week to a brief firestorm of controversy. (I suppose I shouldn't call it "an alleged comedy;" I haven't seen it and probably won't until it comes out on DVD.)
In the film, a character uses the word "retard" quite often in one scene. Because of this, the people at Special Olympics, as well as other groups, threatened to boycott the movie and have generally expressed outrage at the use of the word "retard." I'll bet most of these people are like me and haven't even seen the movie. And yet these speech and though police are outraged.

They may be well-intentioned with their anger, or at least they think they are, but in reality, they just don't get it. The movie is a satire of Hollywood and the intelligence, or lack thereof, of some movie makers. The character (Robert Downey, Jr) who uses the word "retard" is talking to another character (Ben Stiller, who also co-wrote and directed "Tropic Thunder") about his having acted in roles where he portrayed a mentally challenged person. Downey's character is obviously not as smart as he thinks he is, and he is not particularly enlightened. But that's the thing. This is a character speaking, not a real person. Have we become so fearful of words, and hateful towards these words, that we don't even want to hear a fictional character utter certain epithets? Are we that willing as a society to give up some aspects of freedom of speech in order to save some amongst us from hearing certain words?

David Greising is a guy who gets it. In the August 17th edition of the Chicago Tribune he wrote an article in which he pretty much tells everyone to calm down and explains the concept of satire. However, I would like to go out on a limb here: In his piece on the movie, Greising states the word " 'nigger'...cannot be funny under any circumstances." I don't totally agree. If I use the word, it is indeed just racist and possibly hazardous to my health, if used in the wrong circumstances. But when Richard Pryor used the word to great effect back in the 1970s it was pretty darn funny. More recently, Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock have used the word and gotten laughs with it. (Truth be told, at some point in his career (after he caught on fire due to sloppy drug use), Pryor renounced the word and swore never to use it onstage again, and Chappelle seems to have some misgivings about the racial aspects of his late, lamented Comedy Central show, feeling that possibly he had been putting black culture on TV for the amusement of white America.)

There are some in society who believe that some words are so offensive that they should be banished to a permanent exile, never to be seen or heard again. That's why we see abominations like the phrase "the N-word"; we have become too frightened as a people to even spell out or speak certain words out loud lest we be branded as, at worst, racist or at the very least simply callous and ignorant. Granted, there is a time and a place for everything, including the usage of some words, but never in a free society should words be forever cast away, lest someone take offense at their use.

Wounded Warriors and the Arena of Life

There was a brief item in Sunday's Chicago Tribune about t-shirts being sold at a web site called takepride.com, with portions of the proceeds going to benefit the Wounded Warrior Project. The article mentioned specifically a young woman, Melissa Stockwell, who lost a leg due to a roadside bomb while serving in the US Army in Iraq in 2004.

She's been a little busy since then. Stockwell has completed eight triathlons, two New York City marathons and has set three US Paralympic swimming records. She will be competing in Beijing Paralympics beginning in September.

I didn't work out today because I didn't feel like it. I have all my limbs, I have my health and I've never had to travel to a dusty, violent place to have my leg blown off. Still, I didn't feel like working out today.

Thankfully there are people like Melissa Stockwell defending my freedom to be lazy. I would like to think, though, that she will be an inspiration to me, and many others I'm sure, to get off the couch and step into the arena of life.

(This posting also appears in my other blog, Training Days.)

Loose Lips

Three o'clock in the morning is a great time for a presidential candidate to send a text message announcing his vice-presidential running mate, if the candidate is going for the youthful still-awake, still drunk vote. For everybody else, not such a good time. Could it be you sent it at 3 a.m. because your choice was leaked hours earlier? Nice job keeping your mouths shut, Democrats. Oh, by the way, I still haven't received my text message yet.

Is this the way the presidency would be run? With early morning messages on the Blackberries and cell phones of Americans? "NUKG IRAN. TLK TO U LTR."

That old man who doesn't know how to use the Internet is looking better all the time.

Let's Play House

You know, I really don't care how many houses John McCain has. It's the fact that he can't remember how many he has that worries me. Even if he had twenty, you would think he could remember how many he owns.

And Now, a Word From Bob Hope to the Democratic National Convention

U R MY VP

Barack Obama will announce his vice-presidential choice by text message. How very 21st-century of him, using a high technology of the kind that the younger voters love to inform the two million people on his mailing list, as well as the rest of the world, who his pick will be. What a world, what a world.

I don't know who it will be, but I know who it won't be. IT WNT B HILRY :(. She may be popular with a lot of Democrats but she's downright hated by a whole heck of a lot of people, some of whom are Republicans who might not even bother to vote, unless it were to vote against Hillary. Add to that the fact that Bill would always be hanging around, looking for something to do, and you've got yourself a no go for Hillary Clinton.

I also don't think it's going to matter that much who gets tabbed to be The One's Running Mate. With few exceptions, vice-presidential candidates don't make that big of a difference. Joe Biden would be an interesting choice, mostly because he runs off at the mouth sometimes before thoughts have a chance to catch up, and it's because of that that he probably won't be chosen.

E BAY MY VP. What?!? Barack Obama chooses the corporate giant eBay to be his running mate? Uhhmm, no. That's the problem with text messaging; not much text and not always a discernable message. Evan Bayh is from a key state (aren't they all this year?) and is bland enough not to steal any thunder from The One. He might be a good choice.

As for The Old Man, it may come down to his arch-nemesis of the primaries, Ol' Helmet Hair Himself, Mitt Romney. He seems to be a relatively intelligent guy, albeit one without any core ideals that he clings to. Joe Lieberman would be a fun choice. Both he and McCain tend to speak their minds, so the fall election season might actually be interesting. And Lieberman is an actual maverick, something that McCain only claims to be. When the Democratic party told him to buzz off in the 2006 elections, he did, ran for his Senate seat as an independent, and whooped the Democratic candidate, and the Republican one too. Good for him.

I don't know who McCain will choose, but this much I do know: it's highly doubtful that when the time comes to announce his VP choice, McCain, a man who claims no technological savvy (as in "I don't use the Internet") will be doing it by text message.

Arms Raised in a "V"

It was an early spring day, mid-morning. It was cloudy, it was a grey sky with a little mist in it, and it was cold, but not the kind of cold that keeps you inside, sipping hot chocolate and dreaming about summer. It was wearing gloves to keep your hands warm and everything else will be warm enough if your hands are warm kind of cold.

But this isn’t about the cold or that wistful hint of warmth in the wind. It’s about a simple act of encouragement from a stranger.

I hate running but I need to exercise and I like being outside, so out I went on that cold day to go for a short run. A short run is one long enough to make me sweat a little and make me feel like I at least tried to do something, but one not so long that I actually accomplish much in the way of physical fitness.

Off I go, I walk and then I start to run through a neighborhood in my suburb where there are no sidewalks and I’m in the street, going along, looking at the brown lawns of winter. I make it two blocks when I’m feeling tired mentally and my shins begin to hurt. I want to stop running and just walk, but as I turn a corner, there’s a man of some years coming out of his garage and walking slowly with a stoop but with a determined step. He is a few houses down from where I am. He raises his arms in a “V.” “Good for you,” he shouts, “you keep going!”

I smile and wave and say good morning as I pass. I keep running. The encouragement of a stranger with nothing invested in your well being is a magnificent thing. It buoys the spirit. You don’t feel alone.

I kept running. At least I did until I knew I was out of sight of my cheerleader and then I slowed to a walk. I walked the rest of the way home. I probably should have run some more. Still, I appreciate his effort on my behalf. I did run more than I would have if he hadn’t been there.

Random encouragement is a good thing, to give and to receive. It energizes the receiver, and perhaps the giver as well.

Happy Birthday, Halle Berry!

Is there a reason this woman's birthday is not a national holiday? I mean, really now, who could possibly be more deserving? We could have parades and other festivities, giant posters of her in this outfit, or perhaps that Catwoman bodysuit, flying in every city in our great land. And, as the creator and main proponent of a national Halle Berry Day, I might even get to meet her. Once the restraining order is lifted, of course.

God, Part One

What if God isn’t all He’s cracked up to be?

I mean, let’s face it, there is greatness there. He created the heavens and the earth, and He created everything else in the known universe and all the unknown things in all the universes unknown to us. But omnipotent? I’m not always so sure.

Omniscient? Yeah, probably. All knowing, but not saying a word. “Only God knows, and He’s not talking,” my mother used to respond to some of my questions on various subjects.

Omnipresent? I believe God is everywhere, or at least evidence of His handiwork is everywhere. No God, no sky, no God, no sun, etc. He created everything, so He is, in a sense, everywhere. But is He EVERYWHERE? Is He everywhere at every moment, looking down on each one of the billions of us at every moment? That’s a tall task, even for the omnipotent.

That’s my fear, that when I get to meet Him, as I think everyone does when they die, that God is going to confess His lack of omnipotence. He will be as I imagine others imagine Him, long flowing white beard, long flowing white robes. He will be as Homer Simpson described Him: “Perfect teeth, nice smell. Class act all the way.” But he will be despondent when we meet. He will sit upon a throne, an elbow to one knee as He puts a hand up to his forehead, when He tells me guiltily, “I’m not what everyone thinks I am. I’m not quite perfect. I’ve made mistakes.”

This isn’t really what you want to hear from God.

I don’t get beyond that brief snippet of conversation that I have run like a film in my mind. I’m not sure I want to. What would He tell me? That the Devil wins more than a few battles? That “free will” is a concept conceived to cover up His inadequacies? Why would you give free will to a human race that can’t resist chocolate, much less all the really seriously sinful worldly temptations?

There’s a lot of unexplained horror in the world. Always has been. There’s unexplained sorrow. Always has been. Just saying it’s all part of God’s plan doesn’t really offer up much of an explanation, and, if you think about it, it’s not much comfort to those in times of need.

So perhaps that’s the one thing to look forward to when we die. Explanations. At least I hope we get explanations when we die, the mysteries will be solved, the ignorant dark made into the light of knowing. Because if I there’s no explanations waiting for me, I’m not so sure I want to go.

I Always Thought a Pusher Was Something Else

The Chicago Transit Authority is thinking of making some subway cars seatless. I certainly look forward to white gloved "pushers," such as those seen here in Japan, shoving me like a recalcitrant cow into a cattle car.

Bring it on!

Isaac Hayes 1942-2008

I know Isaac Hayes was a bad mother...hush your mouth...but I didn't get the warm fuzzies over his death like I did over, say, Bernie Mac. Hayes was a Scientologist and I don't get the warm fuzzies over Scientology or any of it's followers. Scientology is a cult, a harmful, mind bending, destructive cult whose members have allowed themselves to be stripped of the ability to think freely. I don't understand anyone who would join a cult of any sort. Hayes was responsible for a lot of great music, both as a performer (theme from "Shaft") and as a writer for the Memphis soul label Stax ("Soul Man"), but he really did a disservice to his legacy by being a cult member.

The Decider

Hey, decider, good decision not to slap that chick on the ass, no matter how much you may have wanted to. Bush actually made the right decision this time (it may have been the only good one of his presidency), although he may have based his decision on tha fact that Laura would have cut off the presidential jewels if W had laid a hand on Misty May-Treanor's rear end. I actually felt a little uncomfortable for Bush. I'm sure there was a second there where he just didn't know what the heck to do.

And I have to say, I don't care what the tradition in beach volleyball is, what kind of world are we living in when an athlete offers up their keester for a slap from the President of the United States?

The Olympic Spirit

Is there a reason I haven't one single moment of the Olympics so far? Normally, I would have watched the opening ceremonies; I'm a fan of pageantry, and I like to see what the athletes from all the various countries are wearing. Their outfits can be garishly colorful or colorfully fun. But I didn't watch even a second of the ceremonies. I don't know why. Perhaps my attention is drawn away by other things this year. A lively presidential race and a lively pennant race involving (for the time being) both Chicago baseball teams and other interesting current events involving celebrity deaths and wars and whatnot. Or is it because the Olympics are being held in a place so devoid of freedom and free spirits that it makes the old Soviet Union look like a land of liberty?

Fleeing Thought: Patsy/Not a Patsy?/6 of One, Half a Dozen of the Other

The FBI says Bruce Ivins is the Anthrax Killa. (Anthrax Killa: great name for a hip-hop artist). They have a lot of circumstantial evidence against him. Ivins could indeed be the guy. It is, however, unfortunate that anything that comes forth from any part of this Bush administration is looked at with such doubt that many Americans look at Ivins as nothing more than a convenient patsy; it's difficult for the dead to defend themselves. We may never know the truth. Worse, we may never believe the truth when it's presented to us. George W. Bush is to blame for that. Worst president ever.

Whodda Thunk It

Who would have thought that John Edwards would have an affair and Clay Aiken would father a child? (I'm not really surprised that a politician would have an affair; I'm more surprised that Edwards was dumb enough to be so reckless and get caught so easily. By the National Enquirer. Years ago, when I questioned my mother as to why she read that rag, my mother always said, the National Enquirer was right about Steve McQueen having cancer. And now they're right about John Edwards having an affair. Mothers always know best.)

Bernie Mac 1957-2008

I'm Only Sleeping

There is nothing more decadent really than a nap. Especially a nap on a weekday. Whilst others sweat and toil to earn their pay, you lie underneath the covers, fluffy pillow beneath your head. A nap is a temporary respite from all the hub-bub of the rest of your life, and it's a truly joyous thing. The sheets feel cool to your skin and you begin to drift off with thoughts of what you need to do today which turn to slightly surreal, dream-like thoughts that indicate you're reaching a deeper state of sleep. And then you're out. Twenty minutes or two hours, it doesn't matter, you wake refreshed and feeling pretty darn good about life. And you're okay with the decadence of it all.

Send Bill O'Reilly Back to School

My Last Words on Broadway Brett (For Now)

Every step of the way, we walked the line
your days are numbered, and so are mine.
-from "Mississippi' by Bob Dylan

"What do you want for dinner, Brett?" "I don't know. What do you want?" "I dunno." A couple months of that routine as well as the prospect of back-to-school shopping with the wife and kids and Brett Favre was ready to be hit again by 350-pound defensive linesmen. Good luck to Broadway Brett (as every media outlet is now calling him) and the Jets. They're going to need it.

Favre is ending his very brief retirement to play for the New York Jets. Compensation to the Green Bay Packers will be one draft pick. A future hall of famer for a draft pick. Interesting.

From the Jets standpoint, it's a little mystifying, really. Do the Jets think they will be more competitive against the New England Patriots, their conference rivals, with a 38-year-old quarterback who may decide mid-season that he just doesn't have the willpower to go on anymore, to practice hard and watch endless hours of film? Granted, they may be better with Favre than with the ineffectual Chad Pennington (football players should never be named "Chad"), but having Favre as their quarterback is a temporary solution, most likely to last only one season, and it's not a solution that will get them to the Super Bowl.

If nothing else, the Jets will get more media attention now (because New York teams just never get that), but that may prove to be a bad thing if Favre stinks up the Meadowlands. It's a harsh, glaring spotlight that gets focused on athletes, and others, in NYC, and Favre may wish he had stayed in Mississippi. This season may put a permanent tarnish on Favre's career, all because he didn't want to stay home with the wife.

Fleeing Thoughts: The Indecisive and the Macho

-Favre returns. Like an old lady in a diner who can't make up her mind on what to have for dinner and then orders the meatloaf only to change her mind 5 minutes later to a grilled cheese sandwich, the Old Man of Mississippi has come back to cast his shadow of indecision over the Packers organization. While Packer management has said "they will turn this situation to their advantage," they don't exactly sound overly enthusiastic about the return of a player, albeit a future hall of famer, who has waffled about retirement in the past and said when retiring in March that he was "mentally tired." Favre also said that he wouldn't return unless he could be fairly assured of winning a Super Bowl. How does one know this far in advance that a team will win a Super Bowl? Has that much changed with the Packers since they lost in the playoffs in January? Or is Favre hoping to be traded to a team with better prospects? A truly class act would stay retired and allow the Packers to move on with their future.

Yeah, I know what your saying, Michael Jordan didn't stay retired. But when he un-retired the first time, he helped the Bulls to another three championships for a total of six, and may have won more had he not been run out of town by the Dynamic Duo of Dumbness, Jerry Reinsdorf and Jerry Krause. For those who are counting, Brett Favre has delivered a total of one championship to Green Bay, and I don't see another in his future.

-Is anyone out there as tired of the Ozzie Guillen Rant 'n Rave show as I am? Thank goodness for newspapers and their beat reporters ability to interpret Ozzie, because when they show his post-game rants on TV, I don't understand a word coming out of Guillen's mouth. After a bench clearing brawl Sunday sparked by a hit Royals batmen, Guillen warned that they play Kansas City often, and that the Royals are "playing with fire." I just love it when Ozzie is so muy macho. Seriously, Guillen is signed through 2012, but it's going to seem like a century.