Sucks: Mark McGwire. Why? Now that Tony La Russa, the St. Louis Cardinals manager and former McGwire enabler, has hired McGwire to be a hitting instructor, McGwire knew that it was only a matter of time before he started facing questions, and lots of them, regarding his possible steroid use. He also wants desperately to be a Hall of Famer and realized the vote was never going to be in his favor until he made a statement about steroids. At least a statement other than his shamefully telling a Congressional committee investigating steroid use in major league baseball that he “didn’t want to talk about the past.”
Now McGwire has confessed to something most everybody suspected all along: He used steroids. But he can’t even confess altogether honestly. McGwire said that he only took steroids to help with his injuries, not for strength or to hit more home runs.
No one is buying this. Not until McGwire makes a 100% thorough and honest confession in which he genuinely reaches into his heart to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth will he even be considered as a serious candidate for Cooperstown, and rightfully so.
Sucks: the aforementioned Tony LaRussa. Why? How many years did this guy spend managing McGwire in Oakland and St. Louis, watching McGwire bulk up and blast homers with more and more frequency? How could he not know that McGwire was one of the many sullying the game of baseball with his needles and chemicals? How could LaRussa not even have asked if something was up? Because LaRussa is a man with a law degree. He knows enough not to ask a question that he doesn’t want to know the answer to.
Does Not Suck: Conan O’Brien. Why: He is, as Homer Simpson said about God (after Simpson met Him), a “class act all the way.”
I always had some respect for Conan O’Brien. He’s intelligent and can be funny, proven by the fact that he wrote for “The Simpsons” back in their golden years of the early 1990s. But as a talk show host I have always thought he was awful, awful, awful. After all these years he has never stopped looking nervous and jittery and, like many late-night hosts, has no idea how to conduct an interview.
Despite his awfulness as a talk show host, he has proven to be one classy dude in this little dust-up he’s having with NBC and Jay Leno. His statement about not wanting to ruin the “Tonight Show” by moving back it’s time slot perfectly presented just how bright this guy is. He has totally taken the High Road, while Jay and the warlocks at NBC wallow in the mud of the Low Road.
Sucks: Jay Leno. Why? Because he has proven to be a man with absolutely no morals when it comes to getting what he wants, even if means kicking someone else in the balls to get his old job back while at the same time stabbing that person in the back, a nifty and nimble move if ever there was one.
Also, he’s just not that funny. And let’s be honest: putting him back in charge of the “Tonight Show” will backfire. Some people in his audience with think less of him because of all this intrigue and not watch, and many in his core audience aren’t getting any younger and are finding it harder and harder to stay up past the news.
Here’s hoping your ratings tank, Jay, just like you deserve.
Does not suck: America. Specifically, Americans. Why? Just look at our response to the earthquake in Haiti. Compassion and generosity in big, hearty, American-sized doses, be it from the government, charity organizations, or private citizens.
Sure we like to eat too much, get drunk, and wave our flag while shooting our guns, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a heart. When there’s a spot in the world that’s really down on it’s luck, Americans are there to help.
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