MISS PIGGY HOSPITALIZED; KERMIT AT HER BEDSIDE
THREE LITTLE PIGS QUARANTINED
Hollywood (AP) - The swine flu epidemic has cast it's devastating shadow upon Hollywood and it's porcine stars.
The leading man of many Warner Brothers cartoons, Porky Pig, and his wife as well as occasional co-star, Petunia, were admitted to Hollywood Community Hospital one week ago with flu-like symptoms. Speaking on a condition of anonymity, a source close to the Pig family states that both Porky and Petunia are now "near death. Plans are already being made for a pig roast, uh, I mean, a memorial service and cremation". This source also said that Mr. Pig had lapsed into a coma after uttering the words, "That's all, folks."
At Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, Miss Piggy, star of many Muppets TV shows and films, has been admitted and is said to be in serious but feisty condition. Her long-time beau, Kermit the Frog, has been at her bedside continually. "He'd better be at my bedside," Miss Piggy reportedly said. "If I catch him hopping around with a pig other than moi, it'll be frog legs for dinner."
In other swine flu news, the Three Little Pigs have been quarantined by Los Angeles County health officials. The Big Bad Wolf has been warned by Los Angeles County Sheriff's Police to stay at least 100 feet away from the pigs at all times, and to not try to huff, nor puff, nor in any other way attempt to blow down the Three Little Pigs house.
A breaking news report from Washington, DC, says that Health and Human Service Secretary Kathleen Sebelius has decreed that henceforth, so as not to offend "the Porcine-American community, that flu outbreak thingy will now be known as VH1. No, no, uhm, Hummer H3?...what, H1N1? Who the heck came up with that? Was there a committee? Why wasn't I notified? I guess if the pork industry doesn't want it called 'swine flu,' that's the way it will be." All these cute little piggys with flu jokes are now rendered obsolete and politically incorrect.
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