There are rules in the NFL. Steroids and other artificial muscle enhancers are against NFL law, as is spying on other teams' offensive signals. Pretty boy quarterbacks, though they may be almost inhumanly successful and efficient, should also be banned. Professional football should never be pretty.
"Broadway Joe" Namath was a party animal who showed a feminine side by claiming to wear panty hose under his uniform but this link to femininity did not make him pretty. Nobody could accuse Johnny Unitas of being anywhere in the neighborhood of pretty. Jim McMahon, John Elway, Peyton Manning, all not pretty. A case for calling the likes of Joe Montana, Steve Young and Dan Marino handsome could be made I suppose, but the word "pretty" would not be mentioned. Brett Favre on a good day might even be said to resemble handsomeness in rugged Mississippi by way of Green Bay, Wisconsin sort of way.
The natural order of things in the NFL should work against the pretty. It is a rough,violent sport and when the game is played in the weather it's supposed to be played in, there is snow and mud and frozen grass clinging to the helmets of the tackled and the players blood mixes with the earth. But the 21st century is a time when tradition is fading away in all areas of life and with the New England Patriots defeating the Indianapolis Colts in a clash of the unbeaten yesterday afternoon, Pretty Boy Tom Brady may now be considered by some to be the greatest of all quarterbacks. Ever. He's got 3 Super Bowl victories with the Patriots and they seem header for a fourth, the team at this point in the season is 9-0 and appear to be unbeatable.
How galling for the average football fan, and most fans are nothing if not average. The average fan usually has none of the talent of pro football starter (or any other pro sport), so while we are envious of their physical ability to do what they do so well on the field of play, we can look at Peyton Manning and think, well, at least I don't have that goofy pug-nosed dog looking face or we can view the bland pleasantness of Dallas QB Tony Romo and not be green with envy. I don't think any man has ever said to himself, "Gee, I wished I looked more like Rex Grossman."
But Pretty Boy Tom is a different story. He is not the boy next door who made good. The boy next door doesn't impregnate his actress girlfriend and then leave her for a model, all the while leading his team to a perfect (so far) season.
But don't misunderstand me. I don't hate Pretty Boy Tom for having vastly superior looks to mine. I don't hate Pretty Boy Tom for having skills and gifts in abundance while others lack even the merest of skills or gifts. I don't really hate him at all. That would be a waste of emotion on something as fairly insignificant as sports. I just want my NFL players to look like they've taken a few hits in life, to look like they've lived somewhere outside whatever cryogenic chamber allows Pretty Boy Tom to look as he does.
Having said all that, I hope the Patriots go 16-0 because I'm really sick of hearing those old farts (I was going to use a different f-word, but I don't want this blog to be rated R for language) from the 1972 Miami Dolphins crow about how they were the last team to go unbeaten in a season. It's time to shut them up and Pretty Boy Tom's New England Patriots are just the team to do it.
And once they go 16-0 for the season I hope they get blown out in their first playoff game, preferably to the Indianapolis Colts. Nothing personal, Tom.
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