I Got a Rock

And the horse you rode into town on

You know, some days I'm just feeling down, a little mopey, a little like a guy who's fallen off the wagon and imbibed in way too much sugar. And yes, there is a sugar wagon.

I was feeling blue until I read about Arnold, King of Caleefornia, and his creative use of the veto pen. Now this just cheered me right up.

Apparently, when Governor Schwarzenegger vetoes a bill, he sends it back to the legislature with a message attached as to why he vetoed it. In this case, a bill to expand the financing power of the Port of San Francisco was sponsored by an assemblyman who had heckled the governor at a Democratic fundraiser that Schwarzenegger had been invited to. Perhaps as retaliation, the governator vetoed the bill.

In his message Schwarzenegger wrote something along the lines of what is called an acrostic. An acrostic is a poem in which the first letter of each line, when read in a downward sequence, forms a word. In the governor's case, it was two words, one of which is a "common vulgarity" and the other is "you." This is actually pretty clever for a guy who does not speak English as a first language.

At first, this vulgar barb at a political foe might sound juvenile and petty, and beneath the status of the governor of the most populous state in the nation and the one of the most important economic regions in the world.

But you know what, that's politics. The assemblyman used a bipartisan gesture on Schwarzenegger's part to crap all over him by shouting "you lie" at him (not very original). If you want something from somebody, it's wise to treat them nicely, rather than yelling and acting like a jerk. Unfortunately for the assemblyman and his bill, Gov. Schwarzenegger had the last word. Or two words, really.

The Dave Brubeck Quartet "Blue Rondo a la Turk"

Suicide weather. That's what we've got here in Chicago. Gray skies and rain, constant rain. I don't know how people can live someplace where it rains a lot, like Seattle.

What was my point now, where was I going with this? Oh yeah. On a quiet morning full of drizzle nothing suited my mood like a little jazz. The Dave Brubeck Quartet fit the bill for that. I listened to them while I ironed the laundry. That being done, I sought out Dave Brubeck on YouTube. And found this: a clip of the quartet from "The Lively Ones," which was apparently a musical variety show in the early '60s. In this video we can see the band perform "Blue Rondo a la Turk" while riding a flying carpet over the highways and byways of Los Angeles. This does beg the question: Why?!? I do not know. But I do know it combines good jazz with a healthy dose of silliness, which cheered me up a bit. Let it rain.

A New Yule Classic? Bob Dylan's "Christmas in the Heart"

The first thing you need to do is wrap your brain around the fact that Bob Dylan has recorded a Christmas album. The obvious question: Is this some kind of joke that Dylan is playing on his fans? One certainly wouldn’t expect an album chock full of Christmas standards from Dylan. But then again, Dylan has made a long and successful career out of delivering on occasion something that’s not quite expected from him. Also, the matter of the profits from this cd being donated to an organization that feeds the needy leads one finally to believe “Christmas in the Heart” is indeed not a joke.

The second thing you need to wrap your brain around is Dylan’s voice. Whether a fan or not (and if you’re not, you’re probably not going to buy this cd), you understand by now that Dylan’s voice is ravaged. It could be due to age or booze or drugs or cigarettes or all of the above, but over the last 15 or 20 years, Mr. Tambourine Man’s vocals have taken on the quality of glass being fed through a wood chipper. Even for those who love him, the voice can be a little hard to take. Genius or no genius, sometimes it’s just hard to listen to a guy who sounds like he has laryngitis and a severe chest cold.

Having said all that, when you listen to this cd, you realize that Dylan sounds sincere. He’s not trying to pull something over on anyone. This isn’t a slap dash effort. The songs, from “Here Comes Santa Claus” to “O Little Town of Bethlehem” are classics of the season, sung by Dylan with an earnest gusto and performed more than ably by musicians from his current backing band as well as David Hidalgo from Los Lobos. There are even back-up singers, billed as “Mixed Voice Singers,” which gives some respite from the sound of Dylan’s own voice, lest it get to be a bit too much. It is kind of fun, though, to hear him (try to) hit the high notes on a song like “Hark the Herald Angels Sing.”

Dylan sounds downright whimsical on “Winter Wonderland” and “Christmas Island,” which gets a country swing arrangement, and he doesn’t try to overdo it on the ballads like “I’ll Be Home for Christmas;” he just gives those tunes a straight and simple performance. And, really, you gotta give props to anyone who attempts singing “O Come All Ye Faithful (Adeste Fideles)” in Latin as well as English.

The great highlight of the cd, one that’s worth the purchase price alone, is “Must Be Santa.” It is a way upbeat tune that has Dylan singing along with the Mixed Voice Singers and accompanied by Hidalgo on accordion. This is a Christmas song you can get up and polka to.

“Christmas in the Heart” is a noble and worthwhile effort from Bob Dylan. You might not want to play it around anyone who really doesn’t care for Dylan too much; my wife requested that it not be played when she’s at home. And this cd will clear a room full of Bing Crosby fans faster than you can say “Florida orange juice.” Really, anyone who prefers more traditional vocal stylings for their Christmas music won’t like this cd. And let’s be honest here; I’m a Dylan fan, I think he’s a true American genius, but hearing him do “The Christmas Song” didn’t make me run and delete Nat “King” Cole from my iTunes library. Still, I get a strange enjoyment out of “Christmas in the Hear” and, who knows, it may live on to be regarded as a Yuletide classic.

Balloon Boy Hoax

What do you call parents who have their children lie in order for the parents to garner publicity? You can call them bad parents for starters, but there is more to this story, this Balloon Boy story, than for the parents to be simply referred to as "bad." What about whores? They want to make money by selling themselves in a way that degrades them as humans. That makes them whores. The state of Colorado may soon call them convicts, if indeed are charges are brought against them and they are convicted. People throughout the country were praying for the safety of Balloon Boy. In general people are believers and are willing to take people at face value. In this case the believers had their emotions manipulated by sick people with twisted souls. So I think that settles it: we can call Balloon Boy's parents sick, twisted manipulating whores-soon-to-be-convicts. Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue but it will have to do.

"But what about the children?" all the ladies cried. You have to feel bad for the children. They are being raised, for the time being at least, by knuckleheads. What kind of chance do they have to not be knuckleheads themselves. We can only hope that they turn out smarter than their parents and as well adjusted as they can be.

Michael Buble "Haven't Met You Yet"

The sugar high has become a sugar low, so I needed a little something to cheer me up. This video does the trick. Who amongst us can stay depressed when he hears a perfect pop concoction like this?

I have questions, though.

Do you think Michael Buble does his own grocery shopping?

How come spontaneous yet choreographed dancing never breaks out when I'm at the grocery store?

It's Johnny's Birthday, It's Johnny's Birthday!